Wednesday, April 28, 2010

New Employees rules.

Effective today:

Dress Code:
1- It is advised that you need to come to work according to your salary , if you are wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assumed that you are doing well financially and therefore you don't need a salary to be raised.

2- If you dressed poorly you need to learn to manage your salary better so that you can afford buying a nice cloths, and therefore you don't need a salary increase.

If you dress just right, means you are good where you need to be and therefore you do not need your salary to be increased.

Sick Days:
1- We will no longer accept any medical certificate from any doctors as proof of your sickness, if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work as well.

Holiday Days:
1- Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. Its called Saturday and Sunday.

Compassionate leave:
1- This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.

2- In the rare cases where the employee involvement is necessary, the funiral should be scheduled during the late afternoon. We will be glad you to work through your lunch our and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use:
1- In general too much time being spent in the toilet, There is now a strict three minutes time limit in the cubicles.

2- At the end of the three minutes, the alarm will automatically On and make sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will automatically open and your picture will be taken.

3- After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the compony notice board under the Category of chronic offenders.

4- Anyone caught smilling in the picture will be sanctioned under the compony's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
1- Skinny employee will get only 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look more healthy.

2- Normal size employee will get only 15 minutes for lunch in order to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3- Chubby employee will get only 5 minutes for lunch, because that's only the time needed to eat and drink get slim fast.

Thank for being loyal to our company, All questions, comments, complaints, frustrations, irretations, aggrevations, allegations, accusations, contemplations and input should be directed elsewhere.......